Motherhood

Motherhood!  I have been thinking about this post for awhile now, I wanted to do a post closer to Mother's Day but didn't get around to it.  So now I am ready to give my thoughts about what motherhood means to me and how it has changed & blessed my life.

This first picture was taken by my dear husband just as he was leaving for work in the wee morning hours. Obviously I am in a coma & Jack as well & we are busy catching flies.  Although this is sort of a gross picture of me, I love it because it captured a piece of what motherhood can be like sometimes.  As you can tell it had been a long night.  I can't remember the details because quite honestly I have had more than a couple of hundred handfuls of these type of nights.  The sweet child{ren} end up in your bed, tossing & turning, kicking and kicking some more, putting their arms so tightly around your neck you can barely breath {Jack likes to do that and I'll admit, I kind of think it's tender when he hugs me all night}. Sometimes I feel like I haven't had a FULL nights sleep in ages, like 10 years, but that is ok.  I know that many, many mothers out there are doing the same thing, & it's good, I am really alright with it.  Back when Rex was born, my friend Val had just had her daughter Clara {they are about 6 weeks apart}.  She lived across the street from me and we used to joke that we should do secret light messages by flicking the lights in the middle of the night, or run over to each others houses and keep each other company because we were both up nursing our babies at pretty much the same time...every couple of hours when they are really tiny.

Motherhood has taught me a lot. I know there is no perfect way to be a mother, but golly sometimes it feels like I am far from being anything near a perfect mother.  I try my best, I love my kids and I tell them that and I hope all the other stuff happens and matters, but as long as they know that they mean everything to me, then I can keep trying with all the rest of it.

****

I found this cartoon and it made me laugh, a lot.  It's so true!

Hahaha, that made me laugh again.  Kids are great!  They can make me laugh like no one else can.  They say the funniest things and do the funniest, craziest things.  They can also fight like war time.  Sometimes I can feel like I am minutes away from checking myself into a loony house, but I know that one day all of it will pass and somehow I will miss the fighting and arguing and Rex wanting to patrol and tell me exactly what is going down which drives his sisters mad.  They are kids and most kids I know fight with their siblings from time to time.

****

I found some good quotes on pinterest.

This next one below fits my Mother Barbara Jean to a T!  When I read it to Jared he said, "that is so your mom." It's true!  Even if she loved pie and it were her favorite kind, she would pretend not to like it, because she is a mom. 

Growing up my mom always did so much for us.  She took great care of us.  I can honestly not think of one time when I saw her buy something new for herself.  I am sure she could have but she didn't.  She loved going to Savers {thrift store} and finding blouses and pants for herself that were cheap.  {I get my love for thrift stores from her.  Sometimes for my birthday I tell Jared that what I want is a couple of hours to myself and a bit of cash and a Salvation Army thrift store.}

She sacrificed {of course my dad did too}.  She always made us feel important. She always let me come to the grocery store with her {Storehouse Markets was the bomb back in the day}.  It was back when you had to write the price on the food or whatever you were buying with a black crayon thing.  She would let me do it which I am sure made the shopping trip take 5 hours longer than it needed to be.  I loved it and I loved spending that time with her.  Now that I am a mother I feel bad for all the times I slithered stuff last minute into the cart at the check out, probably throwing off her budget.  

My mom didn't work outside the home when I was little so I remember calling her name the second I walked into the house after school.  I just needed to know that she was there and home & almost always she was.  It was comforting. 

As I got older I watched my mom serve and take care of so many people.  My whole life people have told me what a wonderful mother I have.  It's true, I do, I would say even the best in the whole wide world.  :)  I have admired her strength during really trying times and watched as she has turned to the Lord for help & comfort. I hope I can have that same strength in my life.  

Too often I beat myself up about all the things I am not doing right or about all the areas I am falling short in, sometimes that list can feel 50 miles long.  Being a mother is hard work & sometimes it can feel like all I do is clean up messes, hang up clothes that I have asked the kids to hang up, do laundry, make lots of food and  wipe bums.  But I gotta say, I do love it.  I do feel like it is a blessing from my heavenly father.  Since I was a little girl I have wanted to be a mother.  My parents have a video of me playing in the backyard, I was probably 6 years old, holding my fisher price people and telling my dad that they were my kids John & Stephanie.  We also dug up a time capsule {a family tradition on New Year's Eve} and I had written about my future kids.  I wrote it at the age of 10 I think.  I wrote about what i would name them and how cute they would be and how I would dress them in cute clothes and how my girls would be able to get their ears pierced without having to beg like I did.  Hahaha...it was a pretty funny letter to read.  

When I was 12 years old I wrote in my journal {seriously I had at least a hundred journals, I was the queen of journals} anyway I wrote that I wanted my first daughter to be named Alivia.  I had never seen it spelled that way before so I thought it was so beautiful & clever.  

**** 

Each child I have had and carrying in my belly has taught me something new.  I cherish the moments I first felt them move in my stomach, and I will never forget how I felt when I first heard them cry or the emotions I felt when they were placed in my arms. There is nothing like it. I truly feel blessed, I do.  I am grateful I have been able to have these children, because I know some women don't get to experience that in this life.

 A mother's love is hard to put into words.  I am forever grateful for the wonderful mother I was given. I  only wish we lived closer to her. I am grateful that Jared was raised by a wonderful mother and that our kids have great grandmothers.  I am grateful for incredible sisters and sister in-laws that are great example to me. I have awesome friends who teach me so much whenever I am around them.  

I had a great Mother's Day.  I am so blessed to be surrounded by these sweet children that love me so much, who help me be better, who correct me when I am wrong and make me laugh & cry.  I can't imagine my life without them.  Each one blesses my life.  I know that motherhood is a privilege.