being a mom is tough stuff

{i made the mistake of taking a little snooze while putting jack to bed..now I am awake..just enough to do one post and then I think I will be ready to call it a night}

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These are MY babies!  Do you ever have those moments when you look around and can't believe that you are the mom and all these kids are yours?  I do!  I had one of those moments tonight as I went to check on my kids in their beds for the bizillionth time.  I walked into their rooms and looked at their cute faces and couldn't believe they were mine.

Being a mommy hasn't been so easy for me as of lately.  I don't know what it is, but I have found myself feeling overwhelmed, annoyed and holding onto the end of the patience rope.  I don't want to be hanging onto the end of the rope, I want to enjoy the time I have with my kids.  I love them dearly, obviously, but sometimes, and it is just sometimes I feel like running for the hills for some quiet time.  I have good kids, but like most kids they fight and like to get in each others faces and tease one another endlessly.  I am digging deep lately for more patience.  I need to embrace the messes, because they are not in shortage around here.  Its' okay if they want to cut massive amounts of paper into tiny, tiny pieces for a game they are inventing.  It's okay if I come home from a movie and Lucy has chopped her hair by herself {pics to come..she actually did a great job} and it is okay if Jack camps out in front of the water dispenser and drains all the water from the dispenser leaving an enormous lake in our kitchen.  Sometimes I feel as though I need to just Schillax or chillax {Schill is my maiden name so of course we always used that term growing up...nerdy I know ;)}Anyway, i just hope I am teaching them how to be good and I hope I am teaching them how to work.  It's hard especially when i know I couldn't just hurry and do the job and safe myself the headache of asking and asking them to clean up.  It's good for them to help out. {Jared is brilliant at that.  He makes it fun and wahlah, they are cleaning up}.  It's good that Lucy is cleaning the toilet with the nasty brush and I am cringing as water off the brush is coming dangerously close to towels and tooth brushes and...gross.  She is learning to help, right and that is important.

I am so incredibly grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with two girls and two boys.  Each with their own talents and personalities.  Being a mom is hard stuff.  Sometimes I don't know what to say to try and make a situation better, sometimes I just don't feel like I have the right words.  And don't get me started on the worrying.  I am a maniac...but as hard as it all is, I am beyond grateful for all of it.  I am learning so much and I know what kind of mother I am striving to be...I need to give myself some credit {Jared is good to remind me of what I do well} and focus on the things I do well at as a mom and stop picking at myself for all the moments I fall short.  It isn't easy. All I know is that I love my kids more than words can even express.  They mean so much to me.  I am grateful the sun rises in the morning and I have another opportunity to try my best to be a great mom.  I love my babies and I am grateful for their unconditional love. They are amazing kids and I am so happy & grateful to be their mommy.